Letter from the Editor

There are many magazines intended for the pro and pro wannabies Magic players. Yet no magazine targets the real majority of the Magic population- The Scrubs!


I'm glad you decided to pick up this 1st issue of Scrub Magazine. Players who claim to be more experienced will surely mock at you for reading this and dismiss the information given here. But fear not, for we scrubs have one attribute in common- persistence. Even when proven to be wrong, we will stick to our beliefs. That's our strength. Remember, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in groups.

How to play

Scrub Magazine recognizes the difficulty for new players to learn the game. Wizards of the Coast often uses blurred terminology, with no purpose other to mislead us scrubs, and discourage us from playing the game, reducing our population and giving rise to the more experienced players. This quick guide will cover the basics of the game allowing you to instantly dive into the deep waters of Magic: The Gathering.

Drawing cards: More often than not,Scrubs, when instructed to draw a card, will pick up a crayola and a piece of paper and draw a picture of the card, usually to the sounds of laughter from fellow players. Scrub Magazine realizes that one word can have many different definitions, and while Wizards did not bother specifying which definition applies, Scrub Magazine is here to help you. To Draw a card means to take a card from your library, which brings us to the next concept:

The Library: Yet another term with Double Meaning, set by Wizards to confuse us scrubs. When instructed to draw a card from your library, don't go running to the public/school library where all those useless things called "Books" are. The Library is your DECK. Why Wizards did not just use the word "Deck" is beyond our comprehension.

"Bury": This rule is very important to emphasize. It does NOT mean to take a shovel and physically bury something. Wizards' Carelessness in wording their rules has led to an endless amount of tragedies. Just recently, A Scrub named Johnny and his friend were playing magic. Johnny's opponent played a card which instructed johnny to "Bury Target Creature". Johnny took his pet puppy and buried it. Johnny's family is still struggling in courts with Wizards of the coasts to receive millions of dollars in emotional compensation for the traumatic experience johnny had of having to murder his own pet.

Strategy Corner

Unlike some experience players, who will babble on and on about how "Card Advantage" (Blah) is important. Advantage smudvantage, we Scrubs stick to pure LOGIC. The following are good strategies to win the game. They are all based on common sense:

1) Base your deck on big creatures. Stronger creatures are good. The more the mana cost, the more the power and the toughness, the better the creature. Stronger creature= More Damage= Opponent dies more quickly= Goody!

2) Have many life gaining spells in your deck. Since if you get to zero life you die, putting lost of spells that add to your life is the sure way to win.

3) There is no limited number to the cards you can have in your deck. And there are just soooooooooooo many cool looking cards. Most pro players are slaves to the tradition of having around 60 cards in their decks. We scrubs are able to think outside the box. Why have 60 if you can have them all? Be careful not to have too many cards though, or it can cause some problems with the shuffling.

Following the above guidelines, Here is the perfect Scrub deck- Your opponent won't know what hit him!:

20 Island
20 Plains
20 Mountain
20 Swamp
20 Forest
4 Pangosaur (Big crit, lot of damage to opponent)
4 Avatar of Might (Bigger crit)
4 Polar Kraken (Yet Bigger Crit- Drooooooooool)
4 Skyshroud Behemoth (Cool picture)
4 Tidal Kraken
4 Trained armodon (Better than Call)
4 Blessed Wine
4 Benthic Behemoth
4 Healing Salve (Gain life= Cool!)
4 Scent of Jasmine
4 Reviving Dose

Scrub Psychology

Scrubs are smarter then others. Use your wits to your advantage. Experienced players are extremely sensitive to "scrubbish" remarks and can easily get thrown off track and make mistakes. The following are phrases you can use to annoy a more experienced opponent.

For example:
"Trained Armodon is exactly like call of the herd", or "Why is Urza's rage so good?" (We know that it isn't, but still try to sound as naive as possible- It annoys the hell out of them!)

Scrub Petition of the week

Cancel the Stack! Einstein himself wouldnt have been able to understand the concept of stack, let alone us scrubs!

Be sure to pick up the next week's edition of Scrub Magazine. Will include bottom-decking technics and the Scrub Price Guide. Scrubs will ultimately take over the world!