There are heartbreaking finishes, and then there are heartbreaking finishes.

January 19 will be a date etched in my mind for a long time to come. It’s the day that I had a chance to qualify for the Pro Tour for the first time in a LONG time (we’re talking “Pikula in the Top Eight” long time here), and I blew it. Well, I either blew it, or I kept something off my conscience; you be the judge.

Who says you need preparation to do well at a qualifier? Normally I do, but that’s not how it worked out for PTQ: Osaka in Columbus, Ohio. For weeks, I had fluctuated from one Extended deck to another, never finding anything that I was truly content with. I played The Rock the most, both the original and my B/G/U variant, but I just wasn’t happy with it. It wasn’t the matchups or anything like that, as The Rock has a fighting chance in just about any situation. No, it was more than that. Something about it just rubbed me the wrong way in a completely non-sexual way. It was like I would keep drawing answers to problems without ever being happy about those answers.

After that, I bounced around for a while. Wild Zombies was my next pet deck, but I found that I was unable to gauge exactly what opening hands to keep and what hands to mulligan. Add that in with the fact that the deck has basically no answer to any creatures on the table short of combat, especially after an activated Hermit Druid, and it wasn’t something that I wanted to try to qualify with.

From Wild Zombies to Oath-based decks. I must have burned through seven or eight Oath decks, including Cell, which was in my last article on this very site. The results were excellent with all the builds, and that was the heart of the problem, ironically. Each was tuned to a specific metagame, and Columbus is notorious for random metagames. I had no idea which deck I needed to build, and thus no idea what I needed to trade for to complete said deck. If I guessed the wrong metagame, I would be ill-prepared for something different.

Next on the chopping block was something that came out of nowhere: Blue Skies. A friend of mine, Adam, made the suggestion, and we spent a night tuning the deck and testing it against a proxied-up field of just about every deck we could think of. Amazingly enough, it beat the piss out of SuperGro, not to mention, well, everything else. However, we didn’t test a few of the matches, including Junk, Three-Deuce, and Sligh, and those were the matches I was worried about. It kept nagging in the back of my mind that those decks would have a severe advantage against Skies, even our tech stick, Waterspout Djinn. I couldn’t go that way, especially since it played like my nemesis, Miracle-Gro.

On the very night before the qualifier, I still had nothing to play, despite having worked on the format for over a month. I still had Wild Zombies put together, so I was going to have to play that or The Rock, and I was not happy about that. Basically, I said fuck it all and set about designing a White Weenie deck to play. At least I had a lot of experience with the thing, and I knew that it could just randomly pull wins out of its ass. Adam agreed to this course of action and went about finishing up his own version of the immortal White Weenie. While he went more aggressive, including Empyrial Armor, I went a different route.

White Weenie 2002

4x Mother of Runes
4x Ramosian Sergeant
4x Steadfast Guard
3x Longbow Archer
4x Soltari Priest
4x Meddling Mage

4x Tithe
3x Crusade
4x Swords to Plowshares
3x Seal of Cleansing
2x Armageddon

4x Wasteland
4x Tundra
3x Flood Plains
10x Plains

Sideboard
3x Dodecapod
2x Erase
4x Shield of Duty and Reason
3x Absolute Law
3x Honor the Fallen

That was the decklist that I was working with, although with Adam playing a similar deck, there weren’t enough Tundras to go around. He offered just to split them 2/2 so that we could both attempt a splash, but I didn’t want his first major tournament to feature him playing a subpar deck incredibly vulnerable to Wasteland. I told him just to use all the Tundras, and I’d dig around for some at the tournament site.

How absolutely stupid of me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find people with extra Tundras at an Extended qualifier? I’d rather stick my arm in a paper shredder than have to do THAT again. Person after person after person responded in the negative to my inquiring about Tundras for trade. It literally came down to the last ten minutes before deck registration was over, but I managed to buy a set of four for forty-eight dollars. I was desperate at that point, although that’s not a bad price anyway. I bought them off of a nice guy that, physically, reminds me of MOTL’s own Coolio. Remember this person: he comes up later.

With my deck finally registered (and a rather large amount of scouting having been done), I tried to mentally prepare myself for the first round of play. I haven’t seen much success in large tournaments lately thanks to play errors and a general lack of focus, so I was pulling out all the stops this time. Folks, I needed to win this thing, or at least make a damn good run at it. My confidence in my abilities was at an all-time low, and on top of that I’ve been suffering from a bit of depression over various personal issues. I needed to make this tournament my wake-up call.

I apologize to my opponents in the tournament; I don’t remember most of your names. This isn’t because I didn’t care, it’s because I knew that trying to keep track of game developments for an article would be futile due to my lack of sleep the night before. So please, if you’re reading this, cut me a bit of slack.

Round One- Sligh

This wasn’t a matchup that I was worried about at all, so I was very pleased to see the unholy play of “Mountain, Pup, Go” in game one. My opponent managed to beat me with that Pup for a whole two turns while burning away a Mother and Steadfast Guard, but when my third turn Longbow Archer stuck, we both knew he was in trouble. I followed up that play with a second Mother and a Soltari Priest, with Crusade following shortly after. At this point, he had a Cursed Scroll, Pup, Goblin Patrol, and some lands in play, so before he could drop down his hand enough to make Scroll truly effective, I cast Armageddon. The scoop was soon put on the stack, and we moved on to game two.

Here’s where something went horribly wrong for me, something that I’m still wrestling with now.

I had game two all locked up. Not only was Absolute Law in play, but I had two active Moms, a pair of Soltari Priests, and Crusade in play. Oh, and a little thing called Armageddon had just been cast, leaving him with a Jackal Pup and Mogg Fanatic in play, and a rather useless Scroll. I went to draw my card for the turn…and accidentally knocked the next card off my library as well.

I have to explain something here. If a judge had been called over, odds were I’d only be issued a warning. Nothing severe or anything like that. However, in theory, my opponent could still kill me, as my life total was dangerously low, if he topdecked two Mountains in a row for Fireblast or Incinerate. Those were the only two things that I was worried about, not remembering that, at two life, Shock could also kill me (Firebolt was not in his deck).

The card off the top of my deck was Meddling Mage, and the card that had slipped off the top of my library was another Mage. My opponent leaned forward with an inquisitive look, probably half to ask what happened and half to see what card had fallen off. When he leaned forward, I glanced towards him instinctively, and saw Shock sticking out of his hand.

Here’s where the moral debate came up. Now that I remembered Shock and knew that there was another Mage coming up, I could name Shock on the first Mage and Incinerate or Fireblast on the second, and that would win me the game assuming my 50/50 gamble on Incinerate or Fireblast was correct. However, if I hadn’t knocked the top cards off my library due to the combination of being tired and being clumsy, he would have been able to kill me with that Shock if the next card on his draw step was a Mountain or Barbarian Ring.

So did I just put the card back on top of my library without saying anything, seeing if he called a judge over and just take the warning if he did and taking the game as well? Was that really the right thing to do, even considering my burning need to do well in the tournament?

I wrestled with these thoughts for a few moments, then scooped up my cards and began to shuffle for game three. My opponent stared at me, to which I said, “I would have won the game from that. I hate losing like this, but I can’t take that win.”

Was that the correct decision, or was it a folly? Round one would have ended in my favor. I would have had the first warning in over a year (the last was for something that escapes me, but I think it might have been slow play during a very thought-intensive game in a U/W Control mirror match). My opponent had a decent rating, so I would have most likely been moving up to the first table.

I would have walked away from the round knowing that it shouldn’t have ended that way.

You be the judge.

Game three was all about his drawing multiple Anarchies and my inability to draw a single Absolute Law. Basically, Sligh did what it does, beating with small creatures and flinging burn at my face. Nothing very special about it, other than it could have not been played at all.

If I did the right thing, being a good guy cost me a lot later on.

Between rounds, I spoke of the incident to both Adam and Val (better know as Valmtg on MOTL’s posting boards). Val said pretty much nothing about it (I got that a lot at the qualifier from her, for reasons later explained to me), and Adam just nodded. My thoughts on topics such as morality and karma, I wandered over to find my second round pairing. After just the first round, my focus and, more importantly, my heart were suddenly out of the tournament.

Round Two- Suicide Black

Who prepares for this matchup?

I had no idea what to expect from this deck. When the first play on his side is a Dauthi Horror, followed up by a Carnophage and Dauthi Slayer, how do you play around THAT with a White Weenie deck only packing four Shadow creatures? It’s not easy, let me tell you. He ended up taking game one rather easily with an Unholy Strength on the Horror and a Bad Moon in play. Ouchies.

Game two was all me, however. I got a Mother into play on turn one (he must have not been playing removal or something), and then I took one of the best gambles in my life. Not knowing anything that he could sideboard in against White Weenie, I dropped a Meddling Mage, thought for a second, and named Massacre. Good guess, as it completely shut down his hand, which was packed with the damn things. I just beat…and beat…and beat…and beat until he was dead.

Game three was a bloodbath, as Massacre got to come out and play, wiping out both of our boards. However, with all three Crusades in play, putting every creature in my deck out of Massacre range, I beat with a gigantic pair of Priests for the necessary turn.

Chris Pikula, you are, hands down, my hero for making Meddling Mage. Your smiling face pisses people off like you wouldn’t believe.

Sitting at 1-1, I was still in this thing, and the success against such a random archetype, especially with nothing to sideboard in, had raised my spirits a bit.

Round Three- Three-Deuce

I preached on and on to anyone that would listen that Three-Deuce always puts in a showing at Columbus qualifiers, and yet I had somehow completely forgotten to configure my sideboard accordingly. Not good.

I honestly don’t remember many details about this round. Basically, it was a total slaughter, and not the way that it was supposed to be for the good guys. The first game was all about Call of the Herd tokens that just wouldn’t go away, and a River Boa that happily nibbled away at my life total. I dealt something like four damage, tops, to my opponent before I was dead.

I learned between games why my opponent seemed so familiar: I had played against him at Regionals a while back. I lost then, and I was going to lose this one, too.

Game two looked better for me, with an early Mother and a Meddling Mage naming Call of the Herd. So of course he drops a Mystic Enforcer, which hit threshold after an Incinerate. I realize that Magic is a game of luck and playing the odds just as much as it is a game of strategy and planning, but come on, not drawing a single Swords to Plowshares in both games is a little much.

Uh-oh. 1-2. After checking the postings, though, I realized that with a little luck, I could win out and stil make Top Eight. Hard, yes, but not impossible by any means.

Round Four- Mike playing Raisin Bran.

I remember the name of the person on this round, as I still have the sheet of paper with the life totals.

Mike was a nice kid that seemed fairly new to the game, although he had a great understanding of the stack and such if this was the case. Nothing important happened here, to be honest, as he was land screwed in the first game (of course, my Wastelands weren’t helping matters any), and he just couldn’t get the combo going in the second game. While his problems were compounding, my deck was doing what it should, dropping a bunch of cheap creatures and running with them. I took a total of four damage…both games combined. Yes, folks, four turns of Raven Familiar damage is a bit humiliating, but I’ll take that over my opponent gaining six billion life anyday.

Round Five- Adam playing White Weenie

Bryan’s prophecy had come true: I was playing against one of the guys that I came with.

Or was I? When we sat down, Adam asked what my record was and how my tiebreakers were going. When I answered, he thought for a moment, then proceeded to concede the match to me. To be honest, I think that his deck would have had the advantage: while he wasn’t running as many Tithes and such as I was, he had made room for Empyrial Armor, which is a backbreaker in the matchup. It amazed me that he would concede to me in his first large tournament ever. We rolled a die after I turned in the match slip to see who would have won (Miss Cleo wasn’t available), and his 19 beat my 2. Ah well, at least the slip had already been turned in.

I returned the favor by letting Adam use my cell phone to call his wife. I’m such a nice guy.

Round Six- Bryan playing W/B Arena

Bryan’s prophecy became doubly true: I had to play the other guy I had come with.

Bryan conceded to me to start the round, and I turned in the match slip. However, I still count this as a win rather than a concession. We still played out the games after the slip was turned in. In both games he managed to get Phyrexian Arena running and Wrathed multiple times, but I just blew through him anyway. That’ll teach him to play a Standard deck in an Extended tournament. Although it WAS weird how he managed to do so well with the damn thing…

So that put me at 4-2. One more round to go…

Round Five- Junk

Remember how I said to keep the person that sold me the Tundras in mind? That was because I was playing him this round. When we sat down, he mentioned that I must be playing something W/U, which was, of course, true. I smiled back and said, “Yes, and you’re playing something that supports Tsunami because I saw you earlier with them, so I’m guessing it’s Junk.” The expression on his face and the sound of his laugh told me I was right.

Game one was all about him playing dual lands and me playing Wastelands. He brought out a Scrubland…I Wasted it. He played a Savannah…I Wasted it. At that point, he got stuck on a Treetop Village and a Wasteland of his own, which is bad news against any deck, not just a hyper-aggressive one like mine. I wrapped up the game in short order despite a River Boa trying to hold back the tide of my army.

The second game was all about him playing duals lands and me playing Wastelands…but he played the damn duals every turn like it was a religious necessity. My attempts to get him landscrewed again had the opposite effect, leaving me with less lands than I would have liked and forcing me to play out my first Tundra, opening the path to his pair of River Boas. Those Boas, combined with a Treetop Village or three and some timely Swords for my defense, brought a less-than-stellar game to an end.

Game three was the unwinnable game. I shouldn’t have had a chance in hell of pulling this one out. Pernicious Deeds came out to play, twice wiping my board clear. However, I refused to give up on this one. Being patient, I Wasted his lands down to the point where if he cast a Deed, I would be able to Erase it before it could cause any damage. He made a bit of a mistake, Wasting my Flood Plains so that I couldn’t get a Tundra and cast a Meddling Mage. This, however, forced him to play a Call of the Herd a turn later than he could have, and by that time I had a Swords ready for it. Low and behold, I drew into a Tundra anyway and cast the Meddling Mage, naming Call of the Herd in case he had any thoughts of flashing back the Call in his graveyard. After a mentally taxing match, I found a Soltari Priest and kept sending with him, doing my best to fend off any attacks that he made. The Priest went the distance, and with a Mother protecting him from a desperate Swords attempt, my opponent extended his hand, putting me at 5-2.

I could drag this out, talking about my anxiety while waiting for the Top Eight to be announced, knowing full well that I was in the hunt. I could write paragraphs on how I repeatedly did the math, figuring out tiebreakers to the point where I knew exactly who needed to lose in the final round for me to make it in. And I could try to convey my disappointment when the Top Eight was announced and my name wasn’t on the list.

But instead, I’ll draw your attention back to my first round, where I conceded the game, which effectively lost me the match. That win would have made my presence in the Top Eight a certainty. Maybe I did the right thing, maybe I didn’t. Either way, doing what I believed to be the only fair course of action cost me more than I thought it possibly could when I scooped up my cards in that second game against Sligh. I’ve gone over the events of January 19 in my head too many times now, and I’ll leave it up to you, the readers, to decide for yourselves if I was keeping my conscience clear or just being a tool.

All that I know is that it was a quiet ride home.